This virtue will help you recognize people problems early
Hey, it’s Shane again! This is the 3rd message in my email mini-series about how you can transform your work habits (or your team’s work habits)—especially if you are working remotely or managing remote teams!
RESEARCH INDICATES that the #1 attribute that we can develop that will make us better a) thinkers, and b) teammates, is a little-known virtue called intellectual humility.
Intellectual humility is basically a combination of open-mindedness and discernment: being willing to change your mind when it’s smart, and knowing when not to.
If you’re reading this email, chances are you took an intellectual humility assessment already–or have seen me write about it.
I wanted to bring it up now because over 30,000 people have now taken the I.H. assessment, and my team has found a very clear pattern in the anonymous data that I think can help us all in our work during these tough times:
The data show that one of the most common, easiest ways to tell if you—or someone on your team—is beginning to operate with a LACK of intellectual humility is this:
When conversations about ideas get personal.
It’s especially easy for something to get inadvertently personal when we’re working from afar—when we have less access to social cues and body language and simple time together.
When you and a collaborator have a debate about an idea, you can explore a lot of intellectual territory between the two of you.
You can build off of each other’s perspectives, and if you’ve got the right ingredients, you’ll be able to come up with something that neither of you could have on your own.
But if your debate starts to get personal—if you make something personal or take something personally—then one of two things is going to happen:
You’ll stop the debate to preserve your relationship; or
Your debate will become about defending yourself or your tribe by BEATING the other person. It will no longer be about finding the best ideas. And so, logic, intellectual honesty, and intellectual humility will go out the window—and feelings often get hurt.
The sooner you can identify that a conversation has gotten personal for you or the people you're talking to, the sooner you can salvage it, give it space, and eventually make it productive again.
There are a few surefire signs that things have gotten personal, meaning that the conversation is no longer primarily about the same goal for everyone:
Reluctance to thank the other person. When you can’t bring yourself to express gratitude for another person’s point of view, you’re making or taking it personal.
Reducing the other person to a label, category, or trait. When name calling begins, you’re making it about the person, not about the topic. And when you get called a name, it becomes very hard not to take things personally and start to debate from a defensive posture. This is similar to the next bullet…
Conflating people with their ideas. When you tie the other person to their idea, it’s personal. This immediately happens when you up the other person’s identity in order to refute their argument. (“You Liberals always say that.” “Of course a Salesperson would think that.”)
When a trump card gets played in order to win. “I have 30 years of experience, so I’m right.” "I care the most about this." “My ass is on the line, so we should go with my plan.” These kinds of statements are a sure sign that someone’s trying to “win” on personal grounds—and whether they actually are taking this conversation personally, they're making it personal.
And of course, there’s Getting Upset. We only get upset when something starts to strike close to home. It’s OKAY to get upset sometimes. When something IS personal and important to you, that can matter. But recognize that in that case, there is no longer a debate.
Once you start noticing these things, it's hard not to see them.
When you notice yourself—or your teammates—starting to do them, it’s time to step back, give some time and space, breathe, and refocus on what really matters.
And clear the air if you need to.
But the real question is: How do we prevent things from getting personal in the first place? Especially when circumstances are tricky?
Imagine if every manager you worked with was adept a keeping work things not-personal?
Combine that with the ability to care about people and their stories personally, and you've got the formula for an incredible teamwork environment.
I’ll elaborate on that more soon in this mini-series.
But even after getting to know the research and the stories inside of Dream Teams, I’ve been wanting to give people a way to actively develop themselves or their team.
Skills like communicating clearly across divides, increasing the total output of a group without burning them out, and… setting up conversations to prevent things from getting personal.
I’ve been wanting to take all of the lessons and research I write about in Dream Teams, and turn it into interactive exercises that can help us remember them, practice them even…
That’s why I recently launched Snow Academy!
Click the image below to watch the video where I introduce our philosophy at Snow Academy—
I call Snow Academy an innovation school. I teamed up with some top online education designers and built it to help smart people level up at work.
Think of it as a university-level continuing education for business people, without the university-level time commitment.
That’s because the skills of tomorrow’s innovators, breakthrough leaders, and pioneering thinkers are different from yesterday’s—and time is more precious than ever.
Our training programs focus on helping you master these “meta skills” of the future, so you can work in more innovative ways, no matter your current job title.
Courses infuse the latest developments in the neuroscience of memory and education directly into the design, to maximize the development of innovative habits in the minimal amount of time.
One of our most recent courses is specifically for those who are doing remote work or managing a remote team.
It’s called Supercharging Remote Teams. (Take 20% off with the code WIDPMMITG20 at checkout.)
I’ll share a few of the hidden benefits to Supercharging Remote Teams in my next note, along with more insights on the above exploration of intellectual humility!
Much love,
Shane